Wave Of Chaos

Inspired by the painting
"Sunlight On The Coast" by
Winslow Homer
1890



violently parting
as if a knife
severed the water
leaving a deep wound

the rocks scream
for some sort of
help

the waves hold no compassion
only thrusting
and bashing
and roaring
and smacking
aggressively raping the shore

someone out there

glazed in an unexpected light

watches
does nothing
sneaks by
desperately escaping notice
of the liquid progenitors
of chaos

Dore's Waking Dream

Inspired by the painting
"The Scottish Highlands" by
Gustave Dore'
1875



like a dream manifested
-this view
worth a life
electrified waterfalls

ominous god-like clouds
lord over this serenity

the water that pools
is lush and deep
holding ancient secrets
a reflection of myth

there is no waking here
only living dream
dancing gently
through imagination

this spectacle fools the mind

it is not a dream
it is an actuality

Sneaky Fucker

Inspired by the painting
"The Painter Charles Conder" by
Sir William Rothenstein
1892



Sneaky Fucker!
Where are you coming from?
What's behind that wall?
An orgy perhaps?
No, you are much too
sneaky for that.
Probably a shrine.
A creepy shrine to yourself.
But more likely it is a
pale shitter
housing rare first editions.
You are such a sneaky fucker!

Just Today

Inspired by the painting
"At The Fair" by
Henri Edmond Cross
1896


They dance
They hug
He Howls

The sun duskly shines
as gulls march seaward

Sailboats begin to shore

The flags blow
towards hope

The people forget yesterday
just today
at the fair

Facts About Myself

15 Facts about Stefan Gearhart

1. I was born on May 14th 1979 in Toledo, OH.
2. That makes me a Taurus. I love being a Taurus.
3. I went to Catholic School for 8 years.
4. I am a Neo-Pagan with an interest in Zen Buddhism.
5. I graduated from Western Kentucky University with a B.F.A in Theatre.
6. I also attended a Southern Baptist college, Campellsville University, where I became a pagan oddly enough.
7. I love Superman.
8. I am a major romantic.
9. I perform improv comedy and ran an improv troupe in Louisville called Damaged Goods.
10. My Mother left my brother, my sister, and myself when I was 5.
11. I have been to 30 states as well as both Mexico and Canada.
12. My favorite color is green.
13. My favorite food and drink are pizza and milk.
14. Aside from improv I also sing and act!
15. I am a giant comic book nerd.

A Pondering Lover's Tale

Walking forward, looking back, seeing the distance covered, I gently peruse my worn out log and weep at its endless pages. Songs of sorrow, hymns of joy, ballads of lost love, and tunes of hope. I continue on, both on foot and in the book. My life delicately put on this parchment. My dreams. Those lost thoughts in slumber, those fantasies that perplex the mind. How some were so real it caused one to depress. Why, why do I ponder onward?
My path leads me to an open field. I traverse this pasture with tenacity. There is a feeling of something waiting for me on the other side. I tuck my tales in my coat pocket and venture on. The clouds dim the sun's brightness a touch. I reach the end of the field to find a path into a wooded enclave. Inside I find a small box. I ponder over the morality of the situation. The box is obviously not mine. I look down and scrolled on the lid is my name, bright, shining, and welcoming.
I open the box with caution, not knowing what perils may lay inside. Creaking open I look inside. Inside there is a small handkerchief made of black silk. I unwrap it to find a celtic ring of love, the claddagh, and a note. I place the claddagh ring on my finger and unravel the note. The note is written in ancient Gaelic, but for some reason I can read it as if it were English. The note reads as follows: Giorraíonn beirt bóthar (Two people shorten the road)
I become dumbfounded. All this wandering, all this wondering. The note makes me long for another time. Companionship lumps in my throat. I have masqueraded for so long that I forgot to open the door to my heart.
I reach for my journal of lifetimes past and pull it out. I quickly open to the chapters that mattered, the chapters about her. I read our exploits and smile, then fight back the tears of remorse. I always told myself that I only needed me. That the presence of another was welcoming but unnecessary. I am wrong. This journey that I am on has been so long and lonely. Giorraíonn beirt bóthar (Two people shorten the road) It didn't need to be. I resolve to find her. No matter how long it takes, I will find her. I clasp the claddagh ring around my finger and make a promise to find my love and journey this life with her, together.
I close the box and bury it. No reason, just did. I sit down for a moment and stare at the sun as it sets. I settle in for the evening knowing that tomorrow my life is changing. I begin to see her in my mind's eye. I send out my feelings for her outward into the ether. I almost feel her turn and look. I pray to the gods that they direct her to my dreams so that my search may begin. I begin to doze off and with her steadily in my thoughts I feel alive. I drift off into dreamland, once again not knowing if it is real or unreal. For now, it doesn't matter, for she is there. She is there, waiting.

The Spirit of Courage

What is courage? What does it really mean to have it? I keep asking myself this. Over and over. What does it mean? I'm not sure exactly. I know that it means to stand strong in the face of adversity or to even defy the odds. So where do I fall into that equation?

Well, I'm a Gearhart. I come from a long line of German warriors. My mother's maiden name is Krieger. In German, Krieger means warrior and Gearhart means hard spear. So in essence, not only am I a warrior but I also have the weapon to defend my honor. I'm more equipped to face whatever life has to throw at me than anyone else, besides my siblings of course.

I look at my grandfather, Medford Krieger, and I see a hero. He fought in WWII in Normandy. He kicked ass. He also fought here in America. He raised 6 beautiful children with a very stubborn, yet loving, wife. He worked and worked to make sure they survived. Then when he got older he had me to contend with me. A very stubborn and intelligent grandson. I look back at my summers with him and my grandmother with joy. They taught me about respect and family. He taught me about hard work and the rewards of that hard work.

I hated him then for it. Making me dig septic tank ditches, roofing, cement work, and anything else his dream house needed. That house over the years slowly got finished and I saw the fruits of his labors, and my own. I remember the fishing trips and I remember the trips in the woods on four wheelers. But most of all, I remember him. My Grampa Krieger. He was pure courage. If I fell off the boat, he was in the water without hesitance. If I crashed my four wheeler into a tree, he was there. If I was crying over the loss of my mother, he was there, holding my hand and teaching me courage. He was a true warrior and still is. He still fights the fight. He inspires me.

My father, Tom Gearhart, teaches me still. I look at his life, I see the pain he went through. The losses and the heartbreaks. And I see him keep fighting. No matter what he goes through, he thinks his way out of it. His brain is his "gearhart", his weapon. He teaches me to use my head. To think clearly and go after what you believe in. We may not always see eye to eye on the things we perceive as hopes and dreams, but the lesson is still there. Have courage. Use your intellect and do something bold. Don't let life's bullshit bring you down. Keep on keeping on until the path opens itself to you or you build a bridge to it.

I'm very lucky. I am both a warrior and a I have the weapon. I am unstoppable. I just have not felt that way this year. I let a lot of people and things tear me apart and make forget where I came from. I have wandered around this past year so lost. Not anymore. The way is clear. Which way is the way you ask? Forward.

So what is courage? I do not have a clue. I do know I have the tools and the ancestry to access it whenever needed though. I am a Gearhart goddammit! I am a Krieger! It resides in me. So onward I go. Not chasing a dream, but fulfilling one. I just happen to be in the prologue of my story right now. Not the story of my life, but the story of this portion of it. I feel like moving back to Toledo ended a major cycle of my life. I am here at the starting point of another. I am hopeful and scared and excited and nervous. All at once. I feel like a new god. A very inexperienced god. All this power and no handbook or map. Well. I guess I better start writing the handbook.

So what is courage? Try the present. The waking of life. Facing your fears in the face and saying, "Go to hell!" Even when you don't believe in hell. In this moment I hope again. In this moment I dream again. In this moment, for the first time, I plan. In this moment, I have found my courage, again. I found it by taking at look at myself and remembering who I was, am, and will be. I will be worth a damn. Worth more than I am today, even if right now I'm worth a lot, I will be worth more. I will be worthwhile.

So what is courage? It is doing something you fear to better yourself. To not be complacent and comfortable in mediocrity and doing something about it.

Webster's Dictionary says that courage is two things: 1. Having the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty without fear. 2. Having the faith of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs in spite of criticism. I think that sums up my thoughts on life at present and my thoughts on moving to Chicago in a nutshell.

So what does it mean to have courage? Just wait and see. I'll show you firsthand. Pay attention, you might learn something in the process.