It is officially Valentine's Day. I know, I know. This is one of my favorite holidays. And no it is not a holiday made up by the card companies. In fact it is older than the christian church. It is a fantastic holiday. I am a lover by nature. A romantic to the bone. Quite frankly, I love to love. So should I be sad to be without a special someone this Valentine's Day? The answer really is yes. I should be sad. It is ok to be so. So does this make me want to be one of those anti-Valentine's Day people? No. I still love this holiday.
Love is an incredible thing. Alfred Lord Tennyson put it best when he said, "I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I see people who have never known the intimate love of another; and I mean much more then sex with another person. I have seen it and I see the difference in them. Love, it transforms a person for life. Even when it goes south, it makes you something different. Something special.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. Everything. Good and bad. This life is a series of experiences. Those experiences give us wisdom and understanding. This wisdom is not worth having regret. Sadness is not regret. I am sad to not share this, my favorite holiday, with the one I love, but I don't regret losing her. There is a reason for everything. Relationships are two-sided. A reason for her and for me. What is the reason? Not 100% on that yet, but that's ok. I'm here, now, for a reason.
But love. Love wasn't lost. The partnership was. Love is so much more than feelings and touches. Love is a bond. Love is eternal. I still love every girl I had the privilege to love. Are they my priority now? No. Do I love them the same as I did? No. But those feelings will always remain, always. This is why I love Valentine's Day. Love is an amazing beast. It is a drug that makes a person do many crazy things. I look at the times I loved and I smile. When I did love, it was good. That euphoria you get in the beginning, that feeling of being alive, really alive. That first kiss. The first time you really make love to someone you really love, its incredible. How after years of being away from someone you love, how you can remember their scent. That is a prodigious feat.
It is the one thing in the universe that brings the truest of all joys. Love. The whole spectrum of love as well. The crush.
The crush is so amazing. You get so nervous. You see your crush and you just shake and shudder and mumble. You sweat. You find the tiniest thing and relate it to them. Crushes are this giant mystery that Sherlock Holmes even has trouble deducing. Does she like me? Did she think that extra long high five meant more than it did? Is she talking to her best friend about me? Did she wear that shirt to impress me? I did! And on and on. Its a game that is both fun and nerve racking.
Then there is the moment she says yes to your question of dating. You have a new found confidence with an even worse sense of insecurity. Wondering if you will do something stupid or not during the date. But this time is so good. The dating part is so essential and mind blowing. This is where you get to know this fascination of yours. See if she matches up with your thoughts of her. Learning her middle name. Her birthday. Her hopes and dreams. Her favorite food. The essentials. And the best part? She learns all about you. And who doesn't like to talk about themselves?
Next on the list. Puppy love. Things are going so well. You both really dig each other. And then the first kiss. Wow! Its always the best kiss you have ever had. Always. Sparks are flying. Hormones are flowing. Your mind and heart are fluttering in sync with each other. Your soul and body are both reaching out for her. She invades your every thought. Everything reminds you of her and everything reminds her of you. Even the frosted cranberry candle. Even the song on every radio station. Even the moon and stars. Even your dreams. Even the book you are reading, the movie you are watching. Even the dishes you are washing. Everything. And man, you feel so alive! Every minute you can find, you find it with them. This is a great time. A time to be inspired. Your girl is suddenly your muse. Your poetry skills manifest and even a play about your love comes easily. If you write music, every song is about her. Ahh, puppy love.
Then the real love manifests itself. Life begins to unfold and play a role back in your life. But she is still there, now she is your support, your rock. You make love and the world simply stops. This is right. This is it. You look at the two of you in the mirror together. You begin doing things together that don't involve touching. But you never stop looking at each other. In fact you look more and much deeper. You have fallen much more for her. More than just her body and eyes. More than just her laugh and smile. More than just her kiss and her scent. You love her mind. Her thoughts. Her hopes. Her soul. Her very spirit. You love her work ethic. Her compassion. Her creativity. You love the whole package. Body, soul, and mind. This is love. This is what it is all about. You feel like you could live in these moments forever. Thinking about spending your whole life with them, having children with them, growing old together. All of it. But it changes again later on.
Soon that love turns into friendship. A partnership. Both. This is the best part of love. When your best friend is the love of your life. She knows you inside and out. Knows your dreams and supports them. Knows your fears and is there to give you strength. When she trusts you with most everything, including her life. When she looks at you and just knows. When you see her and just know. You begin to buy things together. Move in together. Know each other's intimate favorites. Marriage comes along. A giant official show of trust and a sign of good faith to this partnership. Love. It comes in many forms, but this form, we covet.
It goes on even more. I cannot presume anymore about love past marriage. I haven't been married so I won't take a guess. I will say one thing though. My grandparents were married over 50 years and they still loved each other so much. They had been through hell and back. Together. When my Grandmother died a few years ago my Grampa said the worst part was that he lost his best friend. The person he could tell everything to, even his fears. The person who knew him better than his own mother did. The person who took care of him when he was sick. The person who he played games with. Who he smiled with. The person who just flat "got" him. His best friend was gone. That is love. That is fucking love.
So yeah, am I sad that I have no one to be with on Valentine's Day? Yes. Will I survive? Yes. I have loved. Though I have lost, I at least have loved. I respect and admire one of the greatest forces in the universe. And that. That great power. That divine creation of the gods. That great feeling that can change the world. That is what I celebrate on Valentine's Day.
My personal goddess, Lady Branwen, the Welsh goddess of love, will also be honored. She has an amazing tale. I recommend to everyone to seek her tale and give it a read.
So to those that are Valentine's Day haters I say to you, stop it. Love is incredible. "Take away love and our earth is a tomb." ~Robert Browning
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